One thing I have noticed about social media channels like Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter is that it is easy to whitewash your life to the world. Only good stories, not any bad ones. My life has never been all good. Every year presents challenges. The last few days of 2018 I posted my top five highlights for the year on Facebook. Now I am going to share five low points from 2018. We all have them. Here are five hard lessons from last year.
1. We don’t know when death will knock on our door.
None of us do. The reality is that the older you get the more likely you will see friends, family, and loved ones pass away. Three significant deaths happened this year in
The shocking death of Cecilia
My executive assistant at work passed away suddenly this year. Her neighbor called me late on a Monday night to let me know that Cecilia was in the ICU. She collapsed at home and her daughters called 911. I knew the situation was serious but failed to realize how quickly she would pass. The next morning the same neighbor let me know Cecilia was gone. Her death was shocking to all of us. She was younger than me, a single mother with two daughters. I have never cried in the office before. I did that morning.
The surprising death of my former mother-in-law
She passed away unexpectedly this year. It was a surprise to everyone. My ex-wife is named after her. She was a second mother to my boys. Her death affected them greatly – even more than I expected. She was always good to me while I was married to her daughter. She will be missed. My mother and I attended her wake to pass along our condolences. It was a sad occasion. It is rare that my mother cries. She did that night. My mom did not expect to outlive her. Neither did I.
The final passing of Gram Gower
Patty’s grandmother recently passed away. Her death was not a surprise. She lived a long and full life. She was the godliest and toughest woman I have ever known. Her house was always warm and welcoming. It was a privilege to know her. I look forward to seeing Gram Gower in heaven one day. She will have a mansion there for sure.
“Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.
John 14:1-3
2. Your loved ones will suffer when they are older
2018 was a really tough year for my dad. His health was a major challenge. I wrote several blogs about his trials. He almost died back in March. I had to call 911 so that paramedics could treat him. He lived the next few weeks in the hospital and rehab center. It was
3. You can plan too far in advance
Early in 2018 Riley and I attended a travel expo in Washington DC. After that event, I was inspired to plan several big trips for the year to include special birthday adventures for both of you. I did something stupid. I went ahead and bought plane tickets well in advance – too far in advance. Life happens and things change. It turned out that neither one of you was available to take the birthday trips I had planned. I called the airlines to cancel the tickets. That costs money. Not sure whether the tickets will ever get used which would be a total waste. Mad at myself for being stupid. I knew better but pulled the trigger on the purchases anyway. Dumb mistake.
4. Love does not always last forever, and that is okay
I am divorced so I already knew this lesson. I relearned it in a different way in 2018. Early in the year, a long-term romantic relationship came to an end. Our last real date was Valentine’s Day. We exchanged gifts, ate a delicious meal, and enjoyed each others company. But things were not the same. My old girlfriend and I were on different paths and our relationship was stalling. Not long thereafter we decided to end it rather than plod along like many couples. Saying goodbye to someone is difficult, especially someone you love. But it was the right decision. Remember boys – love does not always last forever and that is okay.
5. Accidents and setbacks will happen
Both of you faced challenges this year. Some were unexpected. Riley – you were in a car accident. I am so glad that you and the other driver are both okay. Unfortunately, your car was totaled. Getting you a new one cost more money than I anticipated. Definitely an unplanned expense. Gavin – you had a tough fall semester in college. As a result, you are planning to change majors and will likely need more than four years to graduate. While I am not thrilled about the situation, I am here to support you. It is time to buckle down and get ready for the spring semester.
Applying what I learned in 2019
I like to learn new things. I also try my best to learn from my mistakes. With that thought in mind, I plan to make adjustments based on the five hard life lessons listed above. Here are five ways I will apply what I learned in 2019.
1. Living my life to the fullest while I am here
I know that my days are numbered. I have no idea how many days I have left here on earth. Neither do you. None of us do. Death will come for each of us one day. One thing I added to my Google Chrome web browser is a clock that actually calculates how many days before I die. It is called the death clock. It may sound like a morbid thought to some. I find it a helpful reminder that I will not be here forever and need to live my life to the fullest. I hope you do also.
2. Spending more time with my parents
I love my mom and dad. They are great people and parents. I enjoy visiting them. Nowadays I live close to them. In fact, I can run to their house from my condo. Last year I set a goal of visiting my parents at least once a week. I was successful in achieving that goal. I do not know how much longer they will be around so I am increasing my visits to a few times a week this year. I am already looking forward to spending more time with them this year. It is going to be great.
3. Including more flexibility in plans for this year
Once again I have big travel plans for 2019. It is one of my passions. In fact, I may take my first solo trip to Europe in 2019. Several travel experts recommend taking a solo trip every now and then. I am dumb enough to give it a shot to see how it goes. This year I am going to plan ahead, but also include more flexibility in the plans. I will not buy tickets more than 60 days in advance. No good reason to buy earlier. Flights to Europe are supposed to be cheaper in 2019. That way I avoid making stupid money mistakes like last year. Cannot afford those anymore.
4. Keeping my heart open to love
A wonderful thing happened in 2018. I started dating someone new, and she is awesome. We met at an Irish Pub on St. Patrick’s Day. Lucky me. The last thing I was looking for that day was a new girlfriend. I asked Kim to coffee the next week and she said yes. I learned on our first date that we have the same birthday. Inconceivable. We have a great time together. Kim was the biggest and most welcome surprise of 2018. I am already looking forward to many more adventures together next year. Boys – keep your heart open, even after it is broken. You never know when you will meet someone special.
All that I know
“Golden Hour” by Kacey Musgraves
Is you caught me at the right time
Keep me in your glow
‘Cause I’m having such a good time with you
Baby don’t you know?
That you’re my golden hour
The color of my sky
You’ve set my world on fire
And I know, I know everything’s gonna be alright
5. Starting to save more money to deal with surprises
Saving money the past few years has been a challenge for me the past few years. I have a good job – that is not the issue. The reality is that I still pay your mother
Live, learn and keep growing
Boys – it is important that you live, learn, and keep growing as you get older. In this blog I shared what I learned the past year – the hard way. I hope you find it helpful. The question for you is what did you learn from last year, and what changes will you make in 2019.