Last week I described how Opa ended up in the hospital. He is no longer there. Opa was sent to a rehabilitation center about a week ago. That is where he is right now. Oma and I plan to visit him later today. We try to visit every day to see how he is doing and help keep his spirits up. Opa is doing much better these days, but he still has a long road ahead. This week I am going to share more details about what happened in the hospital. I will be more vulnerable than normal. I feel it is important you understand the gravity of the situation Opa faced.
You cannot survive without a working heart
Opa’s heart was not working properly. His resting pulse was below 40 and went as low as 20 beats a minute. Way too low. As a result, blood was not circulating properly throughout his body. His heart problem needed to be solved or he might die. The doctors ran several tests to determine how to fix the problem. Opa needed a pacemaker. The doctors let Uncle Perry and I know that the situation was not good. Rather than wait to install a permanent pacemaker, they would install a temporary one first. The permanent pacemaker would be put in place later.
The medicine worked but had side effects
The doctors gave Opa medicine to increase his pulse rate until the pacemaker could be installed. The medicine worked. It raised his pulse rate to around 40 beats a minute. Unfortunately, there were a few side effects. The worst one was that the medicine caused Opa to tremble. It reminded me of being so cold that you are shivering and cannot stop. He could not settle down and rest which is what he needed most to prepare for the upcoming procedures.
Watching a loved one suffer is heart-wrenching
It was important that the doctors constantly monitor Opa’s heart rate so he was hooked up to several medical devices. All the constant beeping from these devices made it practically impossible for Opa to sleep. I watched as he suffered, constantly shaking, eyes wide open, unable to fall asleep. It is an unsettling feeling to watch someone you love suffer and not be able to do anything about it. Uncle Perry and I did not want any of you to witness this firsthand, so we decided to limit visitors while Opa was in the ICU. Looking back, it was the right decision because things would get worse.
You tend to lose your mind when you cannot sleep
The human mind is both wonderful and mysterious. It is our ability to think that separates humans from all other creatures on earth. But, something strange happens to our minds when we do not sleep. We lose our ability to think clearly. We become mentally lost. I experienced this phenomenon firsthand during US Army Ranger school. While there students are sleep deprived. It is intentional, to push you to the point of breaking to see how you perform. Just so you know, everyone responds poorly to a lack of sleep.
It was like Opa was back at Ranger School
At one point during Ranger School, the instructors kept us awake for three straight days. All of us began to lose our minds. We said things that did not make any sense, we started seeing things, and we fell asleep standing up which is hard to do. Opa was unable to sleep at all and started to devolve into an unsettled mental state similar to what happened to me in Ranger school. It was like Opa was back at Ranger School. He could answer basic questions correctly but was unable to have a coherent conversation. During this phase, my role was to be Opa’s Ranger buddy. At Ranger School, you are assigned a Ranger buddy, a peer who is supposed to keep an eye out for you and help you when times get tough. The toughest days were still in front of us.
You never know what you will face tomorrow
The next morning when I arrived at the ICU the nurses let me know that it had been a rough night. Opa did not sleep at all. He was completely confused about where he was and what was happening. During the night he tried repeatedly to get out of bed. He had pulled out several of the medical devices that were hooked to him which is dangerous. When I walked into Opa’s room I noticed several changes. His bed was by the door so that the nurses could constantly watch him. Opa was wearing mittens so that he could not grab anything. When I spoke with Opa he was not there. His mind was gone. His thoughts were all over the place. His words made no sense. He was a lost Ranger. My job as his Ranger buddy was to help him, to keep him safe while we worked our way back to reality.
Never shall I fail my comrades. I will always keep myself mentally alert, physically strong and morally straight and I will shoulder more than my share of the task whatever it may be, one-hundred-percent and then some. Third stanza of the Ranger Creed.
We chose to shelter you from the situation
I called Uncle Perry to let him know about the situation. At that time we made the decision to handle things ourselves. We chose to shelter you and others from the details. We did not know exactly what would happen next. The path forward was unclear except for the next step – install the pacemaker. I am sharing the details with you now so that you are aware how bad things were. I am not trying at all to diminish Opa as a man. That would be disrespectful. The reality is that Opa was in a really bad place, and it was up to the doctors, nurses, Oma, your Uncle Perry and I to help Opa navigate his way forward in an upside down world.
Sometimes the greatest gift of love is just being there
The nurses recommended that I sit next to Opa and talk with him to try and calm him down. Perhaps he would get some rest before the procedure. So that is what I did. I sat in a chair next to Opa’s hospital bedroom, held his hand, and talked with him. I asked him to tell me what he saw, to share his thoughts with me. I simply listened and let him know what was real and what was not. He experienced hallucinations throughout the day which was troubling but expected. When you get that tired your mind plays tricks on you.
“God give me just a glimmer of hope”
As the day progressed it got worse. Opa seemed to drift further and further from reality. By the afternoon I was getting discouraged. I went to a nearby Starbucks for coffee. I needed a break and more energy for the rest of the day. I decided to ask God again for help. I prayed for just a glimmer of hope that Opa was going to make it. “Lord, let me know that my father is still here.”
Philip said, “Lord, show us the Father and that will be enough for us.” John 14:8
Santa Claus delivers a moment of lucidity
When I returned Opa looked the same. I asked him what happened while I was gone. Opa had seen Santa Claus riding on a fire truck pass by the room. Here is the exact exchange we had.
Opa: “I don’t suppose that was real, was it?”
Me: “No Dad. Santa Claus did not pass by. Besides, we all know that Santa drives a sleigh, not a fire truck.”
Opa: “I never said he was driving. Santa was riding in the back throwing candy to the kids. Like when we lived in Saratoga”
Me: “You are right Dad. Those were good days. You hanging in there ranger.”
Opa: “Yes. Those were good days. Rangers lead the way.”
He rolled over and fell asleep for a little while. He slept ugly – like a ranger. It was the small glimmer of hope that I needed. I am going to stop the story here. Writing this part was more difficult than I expected, and there is more to tell.
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Thanks for the feedback. I don’t plan on monetizing this site anytime soon. It is simply a place for me to share ideas with my kids and others- nothing more, nothing less.