My father enforced three specific standards when I was a young man. Over the past month, I shared these standards with you because I plan to enforce them as well.
- Get a job during the summer.
- Finish college…in four years.
- Live on your own after college.
A few weeks ago I wrote about why it is important that a man works for a living. Next, I explained how to finish what you start despite obstacles. Last week I wrote about why living on your own helps make you a man. The last one probably sounds harsh, so I am going to discuss the times when it is acceptable for a mature man to live in his father’s home. Note these are exceptions, not the norm.
I needed to rest after Ranger School
As both of you know I attended the US Army Ranger School many years ago. I graduated on December 11th, 1990. While I was able to complete the course without being recycled which is somewhat rare – it kicked my ass. I was a physical mess after graduation. Both my feet were severely blistered (I could barely walk normally), my hands had frostbite (all my fingers tingled), and I weighed about 20 pounds lighter than normal. It is the only time I can remember weighing less than 175 pounds. I needed to rest and recover so I returned to my parents’ house for a few weeks. They welcomed me home with open arms. While there I ate a ton of food (Oma was scared by how much I ate), slept a lot (more than 10 hours a day), and recovered from my injuries.
There may be times when you need a break to recover
It was helpful that Opa allowed me to stay in his house for this much-needed break. After the New Year, I returned to Fort Benning for more training. There may be times in your life when you need a break to recover. When this happens you are welcome to stay with me. My door is open and I will do everything I can to help you prepare for whatever is next. Just like Opa, I will put out the welcome mat. This is the first exception to the rule that you live on your own after college.
Your mom stayed with her parents after returning from Germany
Transitioning to life in America after four years in Germany was a challenge. We arrived back in the states in early January. The UVA Army ROTC program wanted me to report as soon as possible as the recruiting officer. We did not have a place to live in Charlottesville. It took several weeks for our household goods and cars to arrive from Germany. Also, we needed time to find a place to live so your mother and Gavin lived with your grandparents while I completed the ROTC instructor training course in Fort Monroe, Virginia. It was nice of your grandparents to let your mom stay with them until we found a place to live. She needed the help. I went to Charlottesville to start work. I lived with one of my best friends, Joe Hall, until we bought a house and moved in. Joe’s generosity was tremendous. He has always been a great friend. The kind of guy who will give you the shirt off his back to help.
You may need a landing pad before your next move
You may face a similar situation at some point. You may need a landing pad before your next move, just like I did when returning from Germany. When this happens you are more than welcome to stay with me. As the Germans say, Wilkommen. This is the second exception to the rule that you live on your own after college.
Our family expanded and I exited the Army
Three big things happened while we lived in Charlottesville. First and foremost, our family grew. Riley was born. Riley was a happy baby, a welcome addition to Team Keating. Second, I was able to obtain an advanced degree. Third, I separated from the Army and became a civilian. My last day in uniform was September 1, 2001. After receiving a master’s degree in the management of information systems I decided to take my chances in the business world. Becoming a civilian required us to move to Northern Virginia since there are many more jobs in the DC metro area. Also, both our families lived there. It was the logical choice so I put the house we owned on the housing market. It sold really quickly which was good news. We even made a small profit despite not owning the house for long. During negotiations, I made a big mistake. I agreed to vacate the house quickly so that the new owner could move in. As a result, we had to find a place to stay until we bought a house in Northern Virginia. I rented a cheap apartment in Charlottesville. That was also a mistake. The place was decent, but the neighborhood was not. Therefore we decided to leave Charlottesville before we had a home in Northern Virginia.
We stayed with your grandparents again
Finding a new house in Northern Virginia took awhile. Your mother decided that she would not work which greatly limited the amount of money we could spend. After a lot of searching, we decided to move into a new townhouse in Bristow. As a result, I would have a long commute to work. The townhouse was in a new neighborhood so the trade-off seemed worth it. We were excited to own a new home, but there were several delays before we could finally move-in. We lived with your grandparents while waiting for the house. It was not difficult for me since I spent most of my time at work. Both of you boys had a lot of fun living there, but it was challenging for your mom. No one wants to live with their parents for that long. Despite the challenges, it was very generous of your grandparents to allow us to live with them. I appreciate all the love and support they showed our family over the years.
You may need help building for the future
You may buy a new house at some point, although statistics show that home ownership is becoming rarer. You may need a place to stay while your new home is being built just like I did after we left Charlottesville. When this happens you are more than welcome to stay with me. If you need help finding a new home I am willing to share what I know. This is the third exception to the rule that you live on your own after college. My home is open to you for these type situations. I look forward to the day when you graduate college and enter the working world. I know that you will be successful and am here to help you. It is the Keating way.